Friday, 27 February 2009

On whether to sack myself

Now this story raises an interesting dilemma (for those who can't be bothered looking it up, it's the one about the girl who got sacked for saying on Facebook that her job (with, we can only assume, Hyper-sensitive 'R Us) was boring).

I have been known to complain that I was bored in work; I daresay I have mentioned this on Facebook or even on the blog. The question is whether or not I should be sacked for so saying. Fortunately, I am uniquely placed to answer this, since, as a self-employed person, I can see both sides quite fully.

As an employee I do get... uninspired... from time to time; this is mainly because I am fairly uninteresting to work for. If I wish to tell people this, and let off a bit of steam, I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to. It's not as if I'm saying I'm a mass-murderer or anything; I'm just saying that sometimes I'm so uninteresting, I even bore myself.

On the other hand, as my employer, I rather resent the idea of my shortcomings being broadcast all over the web, for anyone to read. For if people find out that even I can't keep me amused, what chance is there that they will seek out my company for their next social event? Next thing you know, I'll be living alone under a rock with only my stuffed animals for friends. And I'll only have myself to blame.

Mind you, that's not a bad description of how things are anyway (other than the rock), so would there really be any harm done? And it could easily be argued I had brought it on myself.

So all in all, I think the best thing to do is take myself to one side, have some quiet words, promise not to do it again, and try to keep Facebook comments to things like 'I am eating crisps'.

Then, having successfully negotiated a peaceful settlement, I shall award myself a pay rise and a day off.

Monday, 23 February 2009

On Needing A Vice

It will not surprise you to learn that I am dull, but it may surprise you to hear that I have only just realised quite how dull I am. I came to this conclusion while considering Lent, and what I could give up for it this year, which led me to realise that I do not do very much that is not essential to existence.

I don't watch TV, smoke or drink immoderate ammounts of alcohol. I don't even really eat chocolate. I do not buy unneccessary amounts of stuff, and I rarely go out for coffee. So I cannot give these up for Lent, because that would be pointless.

There are a number of suggestions in the media, but none of these have helped.

For instance, many people seem to be giving up the Internet for Lent this year. Now I object to this because my work involves the Internet, and therefore I cannot give up the Internet. There appears to be a craze for giving up Facebook, but essentially Facebook is my social life. I could give up my mobile, but I'd be unlikely to notice, which rather defeats the point of giving it up.

Last year, you will remember, I did the Carbon Fast, but it's not that easily repeatable (I cannot get more cavity wall insulation than I already have, for instance (well, unless I build new walls, I suppose, but that would be silly); likewise, there are only so many times you can turn the central heating down by 1 degree before it just gets... well, cold.).

Now please understand that it's not that I think I have to give something up for Lent, or that I get bonus points for doing so, which will stand me in good stead when I try to get into Heaven, for we can readily see that this would fundamentally undermine the doctrines of Justification by Faith, Salvation by Grace Alone and Chocolate Being Not That Bad Really; it's more the principle that it would be nice to have the choice.

In short, what I'm saying is that I need a vice, and all suggestions are welcome.

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Almost, yet not quite

Well I'm back from one-arm-dom and, oh MY, is there a lot to discuss.

Last week I promised you some reflections on Facebook, which are still brewing in my mind. In the meantime, I have visited Virtual Methodist's home turf and seen him in the flesh; I have also had an expedition to the hospital and had my sling removed by a doctor who may or may not have known what she was talking about, but did a good impression of having not the faintest idea.

Then this morning I was listening to the news and heard that some new development has been blocked 'by opponents', but I though they said 'by Poland', and we could analyse that in further detail.

But to be honest, my arm still feels a little bit like it is made of jelly, so we might leave it till later.

Saturday, 14 February 2009

What I Received In The Post On Valentine's Day

Today I received the following items of post:

1. A phone bill
2. A letter from my bank
3. A credit card bill
4. A thing from TearFund
5. Another letter from my bank

However, WhyNotSmile will not be made despondent by the lack of a red envelope with hand-drawn hearts and SWALK written on the back (or HOLLAND - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies; or ITALY - I Trust And Love You; I learned these on Thursday when I called down to a Senior Citizens' event in church, and the Valentine cards were being dished out like Smarties).

It is important to remember that the original story of St Valentine is a tragedy and that, at heart, the day is an over-commercialized excuse for flower shops, restaurants, card makers and chocolatiers to make extra money at our expense.

So I am not bitter at all.

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

25 Random Things About Me

There's a new craze sweeping Facebook, which requires you to list 25 random facts about yourself and then tag 25 other people about whom you wish to know 25 random facts. No one has tagged me (yet), but WhyNotSmile is not put off by the communal lack of interest, and will dispense her 25 facts regardless.

I can't work out how to add a note in Facebook, so I'll do it here instead.

1. I do not have proper toe nails on my little toes; I have little things that look like mini claws instead.

2. This makes it hard to wear flip flops.

3. When I was 10, my appendix burst and I almost died.

4. I get exceedingly frustrated by people who choose a church according to what it can do for them.

5. The thing that makes me saddest is that I would like to get married and I don't think I ever will.

6. I had never broken a bone until last month.

7. I do not understand or enjoy books by Douglas Coupland, and this makes me feel slightly inadequate.

8. The title of my PhD thesis was 'Positron Collisions With Positronium And The Noble Gases.

9. I enjoy being unemployed more than I enjoyed my last job.

10. My favourite holiday ever was when I went hiking in Austria.

11. I suspect that most people dislike me.

12. I loved school.

13. The first time I went on a school trip, I had to be sent home after 2 days because I was homesick.

14. My best friend in primary school was Laura.

15. My favourite teddy ever was Elephant.

16. And he still lives on my bed, with Cat, Gordon and Ringo.

17. I still worry a little bit that if I don't put all my teddies in my bed at night, the ones who are left out will be offended.

18. I like to park my car where it can have a nice view until I come back.

19. When I'm sick, I like lots of sympathy.

20. I have only once had a genuine Valentine Card.

21. I hate confrontation.

22. I'm thinking of getting a kitten.

23. I like reading, a lot, but get carried away with trying to complete every 'Best Ever' list I come across.

24. When I go to a new place, I get very scared.

25. I can't stand Lemsips.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Do I Have To Do EVERYTHING Around Here?

I'm currently composing a post about Facebook, and am trying to decide what to discuss therein. Specifically, whether or not to mention that John Prescott has started a FB campaign to stop the Royal Bank of Scotland from giving massive bonuses to its staff (what with the recession and all).

The thing is, every article I have read about this has actually taken it seriously. I mean, really, has no one else ripped the piss out of this? Is there not even a single blogger, journalist or commenter on the internet who has poured upon this the derision it deserves? Or have I just not found them?

It's just that I'm quite busy at the moment, and I've already got quite a lot to say about Facebook, and the additional burden of mocking the idea of a politician conducting campaigns via social networking may delay things further.