Holiday Bible Club: All The Other Days, and Some Things That Have Happened Since Then

So, we did the salt dough, and we survived the salt dough, but naturally enough it went hideously wrong.  I'd made it all nicely the Saturday before; clearly I had, in the meantime, summoned some demons from the very depths of hell, because they turned it into slime at the moment it touched the children's hands.  Obviously, the first group we tried it with was the four-year-olds, who are the least capable of transforming a mess into a tidy, and it was only by tipping more or less a full bag of flour onto the table (and then letting them spread THAT around too) that we were able to salvage anything from the experience.

The main thing I learned during the course of the week was that The Book contains only bad ideas; between the Moses baskets, the salt dough and a reading for the Sunday service which involved the deaths of a LOT of horses, I think we can safely say that next time round we'll explore alternative sources.

Anyway, we had upwards of 25 children* during the week, and they all seemed to have fun, so that was good.
* Yes, that means we had 26 children.

Now, that whole thing took a while to recover from, and the following week was a blur of meeting people for coffee and being very tired.

Then on Saturday there, I was leading a cycle ride which involved Wendy Houvenaghel off the Olympics, and that was good.  Of course, the official line was that I followed her entire career and did not in way slag her off for complaining that she didn't get picked to actually cycle in London 2012, and then after I actually met her I discovered that she's really very lovely and I felt a bit bad about slagging her off for complaining.

Now I'm exhausted, possibly because my doctor is reducing the medication that I'm on, and although the medication usually makes me drowsy, it seems that removing the medication is also making me drowsy, which may suggest that I'm some kind of medical marvel.

I'm also reading a book about marriage which Mr Smile's work colleague gave us as an engagement present, and I'm trying not to be prejudiced against it, but every now and then it makes me go all sarcastic.  I might tell you more about that in due course, but for now I'm going to have a small nap.

Night night.

I Know What I Did This Summer. Mostly.

So it's the end of a long, hot, wearying rollercoaster of a summer. We may only be in mid-August (I say 'may'; I really haven't the faintest clue what day it is), but the evenings are that bit shorter and there's a definite smell of Autumn in the air. I say rollercoaster; I won't go into the details, but it's been one of those summers I won't forget for a while. I'm mentally, emotionally and physically tired today, and although it's nothing a good weekend of taking it easy won't cure, it feels like I'm ready for term time to bring on its routines. Still, we have Holiday Bible Club next week in church, so that'll be a good opportunity for a bit of rest and recuperation... Small children are always restful *.

(*small children are almost never restful)

First, we had the arrival of Nephew Smile. This caused great excitement in the Smile household, particularly for Papa Smile, a man not generally renowned for his love of small children, but who has been seen lying in the summerhouse with Nephew Smile on his chest, chatting away and telling him stories. Also, Mama and Papa Smile got a summerhouse. Like, a shed thing in the garden, not a whole separate house that they go to in the summer. That's crazy talk.

Also good this summer was the firm re-establishment of an old friendship - not that it had lapsed, it just hasn't been firing on all cylinders for a few years, for various reasons. Anyway, this is one of those friendships where all we need is to look at each other and we descend into the most irritating (and yet weirdly catching) giggles. Which is probably kind of annoying for other people, because it tends to interrupt the flow of proper grown-up conversations if two of the participants go into hysterics if someone says one of their trigger words. But I've always felt that grown-up conversation is vastly over-rated. Also, CHICKENS!! *collapses to the floor giggling with friend*

<warning: religious bit>

It's also been a summer when I've had to do a lot of thinking about what it looks like for broken relationships to be restored, and how to help in a very broken, messy situation. I've done a lot of reading, and praying, and thinking about God's grace and mercy, and what that looks like in terms of human friendships, and how to bring about restoration. I've been hurt and been let down, and probably hurt other people and let them down; I've forgiven and been forgiven; I've had to trust that God will work in miraculous ways. I've been reminded that God does indeed work in miraculous ways, and that through Christ we have victory over the power of sin. I'm learning that I need to be patient and wait for that victory to be worked out, when I want it all now. I've resisted the urge to shove all my solutions onto a friend going through a bad time, and I've failed to resist that urge. I've tried to figure out what it really means to be a good friend.

I revisited my favourite book (From Fear To Freedom), and have started a crusade to make everyone read it. When I mentioned it on Facebook, Transfarmer requested that I wrote a summary of it here, because she's too lazy to re-read it herself (or she had a baby or something). So I might do that. Then I wrote to the author of the book to say how much I loved it, and she wrote back and said she'll send me a copy of her new book. So that's exciting, and I'll tell you all about it once I've read it.

<end of religious bit, mostly>

So that basically summarises my summer of 2013. I may be back shortly with the WhyNotSmile Guide To Running A Holiday Bible Club (tips: don't end up in charge, and don't be vastly over-ambitious with your craft), depending on how it goes. If you're the praying type, you could say a few words for the week. If you're the type who thinks it's all about brainwashing children into superstition, calm down. I don't have the energy for that sort of thing.

Also, if anyone out there knows how to make and bake salt dough, please get in touch. All the helpers for next week are Supportive Of The General Concept, but none of us have actually ever done salt dough before. I'm currently thinking that the best-case scenario is that we at least get a good laugh out of it, but you never know: it might work. I'll keep you posted.

On having faith in the church instead of in God

Some time ago, over at Living Gently, she said this (well, technically, she said someone else had said this. She didn't say who though, so I don't know and can't attribute it. Meh, so sue me):

"…people generally have little or no faith in God: their faith is in the church. Then, when the church fails (inevitable), they lose their faith."

I thought this was epic, and promised to blog on it. Then I did precisely nothing about it, because I'm lazy. I let you all down. This is why you shouldn't put your faith in me. Still, I'm getting round to it now, so you know, would it kill you to be grateful?

First a warning: this post is all about church and God and stuff, so if you're only here for the Comedy Guides to Childcare and so on, I'd save yourself the next 5 minutes and leave now. Come back soon, though. We'll miss you.  And I might have one on Wedding Planning soon, because I seem to be doing Quite Well at that.

So, yes, on having faith in the church rather than in God. A lot of people do this. I probably do this. But we shouldn't do it, because it is Not The Best Way To Do Things.

Unfortunately, it appears to be the default setting for lots of my generation at least. We talk about finding "a good church", and finding "a place that will help me grow" (or, even worse "a church that grows me") and finding "somewhere that really connects me to God" (please note, if you use that last phrase around me, it makes me feel stabby towards you). As if the purpose of church is to do all these things for us.

While pondering all this, I came across this quote from East Belfast Mission's Twitter feed:

@ebelfastmission: "We can not wait for great vision from great people because they are in short supply. We must light our own small fires in the darkness"

See, this is the thing.  It seems to me that we spend a lot of time waiting for other people to inspire us to do things.  We think that we'd do awesome stuff if only we had a good leader or more people to help us or a bit more cash to spend.  We'd love to understand the Bible, but we need someone to explain it to us.  We love to really be led into worshipping God.  And so on, and so forth.  But, then, when it doesn't happen, we ditch those people, and move on to new people, and then they don't really help much, and then eventually we run out of people, so we try to go it alone for a while, and then we give up on the enterprise entirely.

As I've said before, I believe that the local church is the hope of the world.  I think God more or less says this in the Bible.  Not those exact words, but the general sentiment.  But we seem to be sitting around waiting for the church to look a bit more like something that might be the hope of the world, because we're putting our faith in the church.  What we should be doing is putting our faith in God and thereby, as the church, becoming the hope of the world.

This means that we don't get discouraged when we look around church and don't like what we see.  Instead, we look for the good, and we celebrate that, and we wonder what on earth it is that God's going to do through this group of wasters, and we get excited about that and get stuck in, and be thankful that there are other people turning up at all, because when things get rough, chances are it's going to be one of those people that God works through to help us out.  And also because, if God works through all these other wasters, then He might also work through me, and it would be nice to be around for when it happens.  We remind ourselves that the disciples weren't the most inspiring bunch of people, and that they did All Right In The End, what with the Holy Spirit to stop them completely fecking it all up and all.

It means that we don't sit around waiting for the worship to inspire us.  Instead, we turn up with an attitude of worship, because we recognise that worship is what we do all the time, every day, and if we're not "feeling it" during the service, it may be because we didn't bring it with us, so maybe we should pray a bit about that, or at least accept that it happens sometimes and not get too hung up about it.  We express our thanks to the people who take time to prepare the music, and, if necessary, we remind ourselves of CS Lewis' little anecdote from when he first showed up at church:

"I disliked very much their hymns, which I considered fifth rate poetry set to sixth rate music. But as I went on I saw the great merit of it. I came up against different people of quite different outlooks and different education, and then gradually my conceit just began peeling off. I realized that the hymns (which were just sixth rate music) were, nevertheless, being sung with devotion and benefit by an old saint in elastic side boots in the opposite pew, and then you realize that you aren't fit to clean those boots."

It means that we don't go home and complain that the minister didn't explain the Bible passage well enough; instead, we appreciate that we were pointed to the Bible at all, and we pray about not understanding it, and we read it a bit ourselves, and we see what we think, and maybe we ask some other people or take a look online and see if we can figure it out a bit better, and then maybe we find we're actually capable of figuring it out for ourselves and maybe that's a good thing.

It means that we don't complain that no one ever helps us with the things we do in church, but instead we take time to invest in people, help them figure out their talents, and then be prepared to stand back and watch them fly.

It means that when we face opposition or complaining about stuff that we're doing, instead of being all huffy and offended and upset and giving up, we turn to God in prayer, and ask if what we're doing is what He really wants, and if it's not then we give it up and try something else, and if it is then we carry on and don't listen to the condemning voices of the people around us, because those are not ultimately the voices that matter.

In short, it means we stop sitting around waiting for things to be better, and for people to inspire us, and for our church to catch a grip and start doing things in The Proper Christian Way, and we start looking for ways in which we can make things better, and we honestly ask God what He thinks, and then we trust that God will be the one we listen to, and then we realise that there is no Proper Christian Way, but there is only God's grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, because otherwise it would be all about us, and, well, that would suck.

Of course, it's possible that I'm entirely wrong, but that's fine, because by this point you will have realised that you shouldn't have too much faith in me and that probably the best thing that could happen now is that I stop talking and you listen to God instead.

Of course, if you're not really into God and church and stuff, and were really only here for the Comedy Guides, well, you've probably just waste 5 minutes of your life, but, frankly, I warned you, and it turns out you should have had faith in me after all.  Heh.  Ironic.

An Offer To Tourists

Now here at WhyNotSmile, we are not Big Fans of corporate greed, bankers getting large bonuses, and capitalism in general (although we admit to having very little understanding of any of them; since our understanding is roughly as much as our influence, this is not a problem). The latest way to demonstrate this angst, is, apparently, to go and camp outside churches, because apparently sometimes stocks and shares are traded in the vicinity, and also because they don't let you camp in actual banks, and also the vicar might make you tea or something.

So, because of this, St Paul's Cathedral has had to close (although there is some debate as to whether it had to close, or just chose to close). Now, I think this is a little unfair, since the people of St Paul's have by all accounts been Quite Nice to the protestors (who have apprently also been Quite Nice) and are not generally Big Fans of corporate greed themselves. On the other hand, they are claiming to be losing £16000 - £20000 per day.

This makes me wonder a little. They charge £14.50 admission at St Paul's. That strikes me as quite a lot, although I imagine they have quite big heating bills and so on so it's probably just about covering the costs of running the place. I don't know.

However, WhyNotSmile has decided to make you all a special offer, if you are a tourist who wanted to visit St Paul's but now cannot. If you come to my church, you can see round for only a tenner, PLUS we will make you tea (I say 'we', I mean whoever's about, which may not be anyone - if it's the caretaker, you should probably slip him a fiver, cos it's not really part of his job to show random tourists around. Also, I haven't actually told anyone in the church about this, so they might look a bit surprised when you arrive).

I think we can offer at least as much as St Paul's, particularly if you have a reasonable imagination. I checked their website to see what they have. Attractions include:

• "Climb the dome" to the "Whispering Gallery". At the back of the church, up the stairs, there's a wee room where we store boxes of random stuff, some books, and an old keyboard. Climb the stairs, go into the wee room, and then discover that if you stand at one side of the room and whisper, people at the other side can hear you (please note: this only really works if you stand against the long wall so you're only whispering across the width of the room).
• "A touchscreen multimedia tour". As long as you bring your iPad so you can browse the photos on the website while you walk around.
• "Explore the crypt". Yeah, ok, we don't have a crypt. We have a bouncy castle though.
• "Travel back in time in an immersive video experience". Viewings of "Ben Hur" on the screen at the front every 2 hours.
• "Treat yourself to afternoon tea". If no one's around, there's a kettle in the kitchen; it takes a while to boil, and you may have to jiggle it a bit, but what do you think this is? Also, I'd bring your own tea bags because all the ones we have are under lock and key in case someone from one of the other organisations nicks them. There's a Co-op across the road though.

Now, admittedly, we don't have a gift shop, but WyseByse across the road is good value and has a wide range of items for all ages.

Also, we're quite nice*.

And we do not have £16,000 per day; indeed, an extra £16,000 per year would be a significant increase in our income. And also, we do all manner of things in the community which are sometimes helpful for the sorts of people who are not bankers or corporate giants and who therefore could make quite good use of part of the £16,000 in ways which would not at all fund the corporate machine.

Advance booking is advised; guide dogs only.

*mostly. Some of us also offer opportunities for you to practice forgiveness.

A Craft Fair, Which You Could Come To

Every year our church has a craft fair, and this year it is this Saturday (I say that as though it's unexpected, but in fact it's always in the middle of November). So you can all come if you want. There will be Christmas things to buy, and other things which might be nice for Christmas but could also provide joy and entertainment throughout a range of seasons. And I might be selling books.

It costs £1.50 to get in, and then another £1.50 for tea/coffee with scones and traybakes and so on (and I should point out that this is excellent value, for you get an entire plate of scones and traybakes and so on, and they are very nice as well).

Also, there is a free children's craft corner, where children can make things and so on.

And also as well, there are (I believe) still a few tables left, so if you are crafty and wanted to sell some of your craft, you could still book a table, for the modest sum of £20. I should now point out that the craft fair is one of those things that is almost an institution, so people come from far and about to visit, and not just off the Cregagh Road (although they also do that). So you might find a reasonably substantial market for your wares. If you contact me I could tell you who to contact to get a stall.

Also also as well in addition, my church is on the Cregagh Road and is called Cregagh Methodist. You can find directions by going to our excellent (ahem) website, which is here.

Nothing in particular

I'd have posted sooner, but every time I go online I watch that Bonnie Tyler thing again and end up losing all motor skills. Anyway, it's not like I have much to say, so you haven't really been missing anything. I've just been doing a lot of work. An almost unprecedented number of people are wanting me to make websites for them, so I've been distracted by that.

You'll be glad to hear that I'm getting on fairly well with Sister Smile since she moved in; this may have been helped by the fact that she's been here for approximately 2.5 hours since moving in at the start of the month. When she's not here, of course, Papa Smile is clamouring for her room, because he likes being in Belfast because you can be nosey in Belfast in a way that you can't in Ballysmile because (1) there's nothing to see there and (2) everyone knows you, so you can't just go round gawping in windows. The wonder of the city is that one can be completely anonymous, and there's always plenty to see, so we had a good wander round the new houses that have just been built near me, and decided they were OK but a bit small.

Tomorrow is the church prayer room; I say this as if you should know what I'm talking about, because I can't be bothered explaining. But it will occupy a Certain Amount of my time, so I thought I'd mention it in case you're looking for me.

The Invitation Gets Even Better

Further to yesterday's invitation to the thing in my church, things have improved considerably; as of tonight, WhyNotSmile is now one of the Main Speakers at this Sunday's event. Nothing like a good couple of weeks' notice to prepare my profound, touching and yet theologically accurate thoughts, huh? Never mind trying to jam them all into 5 minutes. Because we all know that what matters in talks is how many points are jammed in. Maybe I'll do a PowerPoint too, that always helps. I'll add a different transition to each slide, and a sprinkling of animated GIFs and naff Christian art. Do come, it'll be great.

Speaking of Christian art, my flatmate and I were talking about that earlier. You know that Sacred Heart picture that Catholics always have and Protestants are always a bit freaked out by? With alabaster-skin Jesus holding two fingers of one hand in the air while using the other hand to pull back his robe and reveal what appears to be a glowing kidney? My flatmate wants someone to do one with Jesus doing the Vulcan Salute. It is not disrespectful for her to want that, because she's Catholic, and also Presbyterian.

An Invitation

I'm still working on the Souvenir Photo Tall Shippy Thing, but these things can't be rushed.

Instead, here is a thing that's happening in my church over the next 2 Sunday nights:


Cafe Church is one of those things that has become quite cool to do, and of which WhyNotSmile is therefore naturally cynical, but on the other hand what I've heard so far of the plans has been good. The flyer doesn't mention the food, but last I heard, people were making shortbread, and this is always a good thing.

I also do not know why we are spelling 'God' 'god', but I assume it is because we are so cool.

So, if you would like to come along, please do. I might even agree to keep an eye out for you and let you sit at my table.

For the location of our church, go to our website and click 'Contact Us' and then 'Location'. Please use Firefox or Safari and not Internet Explorer, because it is not as pretty in Internet Explorer.

When Real Life And My Computer Collide

What with not having an absolutely excellent grip on reality, WhyNotSmile tends to forget that virtual people are not the same as real people, but that sometimes they do nevertheless have a common root in that curious thing known as Real Life, so that people on her computer are connected in some way to people she may meet at, for instance, her new housemate's housewarming party, which was timed to coincide with Anzac Day, which is not normally An Excuse For A Party.

Which is a roundabout way of saying I met Alan in Belfast the other night. He owns a zebra called Zeddy, which I thought was nice.

And this weekend I may at long last get to meet Ministry of Traybakes, who is married to Virtual Methodist, with whom I have been in a room several times, but to whom I have never spoken (I should clarify that there have always been other people in the room; it's not that I sat in one corner while VM paced the floor at the other end of the room).

So I might add them to the blogroll. We'll see.

Anyway, the occasion (do you know, I never know how to spell that) of meeting Ministry of Traybakes is that she is speaking at our church's Community Service this coming Sunday. I think it should have a better name than Community Service, because sounds like the sort of thing you might do in a mucky ditch while wearing a fluorescent jacket, and we wouldn't want to discourage anyone from coming, especially since that's not really what it's about. We would call it Community Sunday, but then, for completeness, we would have to weave it into the evening service somehow, and that makes it all more complex.

But the point is that I got talked into being interviewed for a video which will be shown at the service, and I talked nonsense and giggled a lot, and am therefore hoping the video gets axed, or at least that all the bits of me talking end up on the cutting room floor.

An Invitation

I have just spent the afternoon in our church youth centre, building a prayer room. Well, not building the room as such, but turning the existing room into a room in which it will be a pleasure and an inspiration to pray.

And YOU are invited.

We're having 40 hours of prayer, starting 6am on Thursday morning, until, oh, I dunno, what would that be? - 10pm on Friday? I think. Everyone is welcome to call in at any time and pray, read, think, play (there's a craft table!! With paint!!!) and have tea/coffee (you have to make your own, mind). So please do. It would be nice to see you.

Cregagh Methodist, opposite the Co-op on the Cregagh Road.

On the departure of Spider-horse, and other miscellany

Spider-horse has departed. Not from this life, but from my house. He made good his exit via the bathroom window on Saturday evening, thanks to Sir Dave and his faithful sidekick, The Boy Marno. I am pleased about having my bathroom back, but mindful of the old saying: "spiders do not come in ones, they come in thousands".

Instead of spider-horse, I now have a flock of builders, who are building me a sun room (allegedly - so far they have delivered a cement mixer and some sand). I have no heating, and all my possessions are occupying a small space in the corner of my living room, which is a tad frustrating when I have cause to use either my possessions or my living room. I'm also a little concerned about having such a pile of stuff so idly sitting around - if I was spider-horse and looking for a way back in, that pile of stuff is the kind of place I'd choose as a hidey-hole.

I have also been scuppered by Phoenix Gas, who were supposed to send Ray round on Tuesday night to discuss the installation of heating. Of course, Ray did not turn up (my cynical side is resigned to this by now - Q&B has done a lot to temper my happy-go-lucky attitude to such things). So now I am expecting Dave to come tonight (not Sir Dave, Dave from Phoenix).

Incidentally, I was reading through some previous blog posts and wondering whether I come across as quite cynical. In real life I'm practically all sweetness and optimism (kind of), but I wonder whether people who only know me via my blog would realise that. Or do you all think I'm a cynical manic-depressive with a sarcastic (yet pleasingly witty) edge?

So, onto something positive: our week of prayer in church. I'm continually delighted by the creativity and vision of our prayer team, and yet again they've put together a programme of prayer evenings which has been imaginative and stimulating. It has been a pleasure to go each evening and join with others for prayer at the start of our church's year. Last night we went on a prayer walk round the local area, praying that God will work to bless and protect our community. Superb.

Plus, it has got me out of the house with no heating every night this week. Dang.... cynicism sneaking in again.... must stop it stop it stop it.

Break in transmission

Apologies for the break in transmission there. It was due to essential maintenance work. Namely, I was trying to maintain my current status as an employed person, by doing some work. I succeeded, so that was good. But the blog suffered, as you saw.

I have also become addicted to Facebook. I still don't really understand it, but I managed to throw some sheep at people and have started a game of Scrabble with Lilytodd, so all the important agnles are covered. I found this application that allows you to add books you're reading and have read. Needless to say, I intend to add every book I've ever read, in an attempt to get my picture on everyone's profiles as the most prolific reader of all time. I've got a good 100 or so Enid Blytons alone, so we're getting there.

Not much other news. I've been making a large banner for church - it says 'I am the Good Shepherd' and has a picture of a shepherd and some sheep (or at least it will do and it will have once it's done), so evenings have been spent cutting and sticking and sewing. It's like giant Fuzzy Felt, for those of you from the 80's.

I may post some thoughts at lunch time, but for now I wanted you all to know I'm still alive.