Tuesday, 14 October 2008

On Another Pet Hate

I was just scanning some newspaper takes on the credit crunch (oh how I have come to hate that phrase), and came across the Daily Mail's

and this reminded me of something: I really cannot stand the Daily Mail. I mean, seriously? Apocalypse? I mean... seriously?? Apocalypse? To clarify: it's not the Apocalypse (well, probably) - it's a wet week in October and we've finally figured out that money doesn't buy happiness.

OK, we also have the Four (self-declared) Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Richard Dawkins (a good friend to these pages), Sam 'a little bit creepy' Harris, Christopher Hitchens (the thinking woman's crumpet), and Santa; and perhaps we should be taking them more seriously (rather than just pointing and laughing), but (and I may be wrong here) I don't think we should take this as a sign that we should hold off on the New Year's Eve plans.

But back to the Daily Mail. Every now and then I wonder who actually buys it, and then I go to my parents' house and find it on the sofa. Their reasons for reading it, though, are instructive: the crossword is good and it has Garfield; sound reasons to do anything, you will agree. Furthermore, you don't have to think too hard - the answer, with the Daily Mail, is usually in the headline, viz.:

Headline: Apocalypse Now? (Answer: 'no')
Headline: Are Our Children At Risk From Baby TV Stations? (Answer: 'no')
Headline: Do Asylum-Seekers Cause Cancer? (Answer: 'no') - ok, I made this one up, but it's only a matter of time.

The Daily Mail is not a fan of asylum seekers, anyone on benefits, falling house prices, anyone with AIDS, gays, foreigners in general but especially the French, Guardian readers, CCTV, Health & Safety, the EU, or religions other than white-middle-class-protestant.

They do like health scares, angry letters, headlines in CAPITALS, and pretty young blonde things, especially those who just passed some GCSEs.

I am heartened, naturally, to know that the Daily Mail hates me too: after all, I am unmarried, have no job and recycle a lot.

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