So, in all of last week, they fitted 2 door handles. In fact, I'm being generous here, and counting both sides - technically, it may only have been one handle, which went right through the door.
In happier news, though, the Chief Builder says the plumber's coming today.
For reference, here is the list of reasons so far why the plumber hasn't turned up (it is unclear how many plumbers there have been; hence, some of these statements may apply to different people):
1. He went to Newcastle for a stag party and got so drunk he couldn't come to work until Wednesday (you may recall that very early on, a plumber did in fact turn up, to disconnect things - this was him. No sign of him since).
2. He went to Thailand for 6 weeks (it later emerged that he was there looking for a wife). This plumber is now back, and is the one who is allegedly coming today.
3. He got attacked and his leg was broken in 3 places (why do we hire these bandits?).
4. He was climbing Mount Everest at the weekend; he'll be here on Wednesday (Wednesday is a popular day to kick things off with these lot; very rarely do they seem to work Mondays or Tuesdays). Incidentally, this turned out to be the electrician, not the plumber, and it was Ben Nevis. This is the annoying thing - there always turns out to be a measure of truth in the tales.
5. He just didn't turn up.
Chief Builder keeps putting on a reassuring voice and saying 'don't worry, it'll not take him long'. Quite. I have no concerns about how long it will take him, but let's face it, he's not going to finish until he actually starts.