Being unemployed, I am, naturally, turning the occasional thought to how I might earn myself a crust or two some time in the future. I have discovered that I pays to think outside the box and to reconsider careers which I would previously not have thought myself fit for.
Such as being Prime Minister.
I had always made the mistake of thinking that in order to be Prime Minister, and therefore run the country, you needed at least a basic grasp of how to do so. You would need to know about things like Economics and be able to give Convincing Speeches about what you're doing to tackle knife crime. However, it is now clear that you can be Prime Minister (in Britain at least) without having to concern yourself with such weighty matters, and furthermore, if the entire country is about to tip over into a massive recession, you need merely to advise people 'not to waste food'. It is also possible to do this while flying to Japan to dine on truffles and caviar, which is nice.
So I got to thinking about what else I could offer advice on, if I became Prime Minister. The key, it appears, is to make sure that people feel the responsibility they must take for their own lives. Get them to keep track of the pennies, and you can be off with the pounds before they can say 'Credit Crunch'. Give the peasants something to do, and stop them revolting, basically.
Let's say, for instance, that the country was about to be hit by a massive hurricane. Why, I would tell people not to make any plans for tomorrow that depended too heavily on sunshine for success. Perhaps recommend a game of Monopoly with the children, under the dining room table.
Or, imagine there is an outbreak of a superbug in hospitals. I would swiftly recommend that everyone stays inside and tries not to break any limbs or catch any debilitating illnesses.
Or, suppose there was an approaching strike by Petrol Tanker Drivers (at nearly £40,000 a year, the current favourite candidate for Jobs I Believe I Could Have A Stab At: #2, by the way). Well, I would tell people not to panic buy petrol. And they would listen.
Yes, I think I could do this job.