Twitter

Suddenly it seems that everyone is into Twitter. I'm not sure why, but I think it was all to do with Stephen Fry being stuck in a lift, which is an unlikely and yet strangely effective marketing tool.

For those who are unaware of Twitter, it's like Facebook, but without all the bits that make Facebook sociable; essentially, it's your Facebook status, which you're supposed to update every time you move a finger, on the (let's be frank, utterly deluded) assumption that everyone else is interested.

Now WhyNotSmile likes to be up-to-date with the latest technology (indeed, I have known of, and been uninterested in, the existence of Twitter for a couple of years now), so it must be wondered whether it is worth signing up.

Of course, the most cursory consideration of this possibility leads us to a swift 'no', for although Twitter allows even the most pedantic of souls to post their deathly dull goings-on, I don't think the world is quite ready for me to take the thing to whole new levels. In fact, my life is so predictable that I am going to publish all my potential Twitter entries here, to save you the trouble of having to keep checking. Should you ever wish to know what I'm up to, you can simply come here and find out.

7.45am - WhyNotSmile's alarm clock goes off. WhyNotSmile considers the possibility of getting up, and decides against it.

7.50am - WhyNotSmile decides that it is important not to get up before hearing the day's news (in order to provide conversation topics, should she speak to anyone else during the course of the day) and therefore has to stay in bed for another 10 minutes.

8.15am - WhyNotSmile wakes up again.

8.35am - Having heard the day's news, WhyNotSmile gets up.

8.36am - WhyNotSmile cleans her teeth and has a shower.

8.45am - WhyNotSmile briefly considers what to wear, and eventually puts on whatever is on the floor from last night. There is a brief rummaging around for clean socks, and a vow to do some washing today.

8.50am - WhyNotSmile has a breakfast of home-made sultana bran (because it's cheaper to buy a box of bran flakes and a bag of sultanas) and a glass of orange juice (with bits in).

8.55am - WhyNotSmile goes upstairs, does her daily Bible reading and prayer slot, and perhaps reads for a bit.

9.15am - WhyNotSmile switches on her computer, checks emails, reads new blog entries, checks Facebook, laughs at the day's Dilbert and Garfield cartoons, and checks the news.

10.00am - WhyNotSmile decides she needs tea before starting work. WhyNotSmile makes tea and perhaps elevenses.

10.15am - WhyNotSmile comes back to her computer, checks her email, reads new blog entries, visits Facebook and checks the news.

10.25am - WhyNotSmile opens her calendar to see what she is supposed to do today. Tasks seem too intimidating, so WhyNotSmile surfs the web for a while.

10.45am - WhyNotSmile starts doing some work.

11.00am - The post arrives; WhyNotSmile goes downstairs, picks it up, opens it, and reads it.

11.05am - WhyNotSmile comes back to her computer, checks her email, reads new blog entries, visits Facebook, and checks the news.

11.30am - WhyNotSmile decides she needs to work now if she is going to do anything productive today, and knuckles down.

12.30pm - WhyNotSmile stops for lunch. WhyNotSmile makes lunch, eats lunch, and then goes to Tesco to do some shopping.

2pm - WhyNotSmile returns home, unpacks shopping, sits for a while.

2.15pm - WhyNotSmile turns her computer back on, checks her email, reads new blog entries, visits Facebook, and checks the news.

2.45pm - WhyNotSmile needs more tea; she goes to make tea.

3.00pm - WhyNotSmile comes back to her computer, checks her email, reads new blog entries, visits Facebook, and checks the news.

3.15pm - WhyNotSmile comes over all productive and starts working.

5pm - WhyNotSmile stops working and switches off her computer.

5.05pm - WhyNotSmile reads for a while.

7.30pm - WhyNotSmile is hungry. She cooks and eats dinner.

8pm - WhyNotSmile reads some more.

9.30pm - WhyNotSmile is sleepy. She goes upstairs, cleans her teeth and gets ready for bed.

9.45pm - WhyNotSmile gets distracted by something lying on the bedside table. It is necessary to read it all over again.

10.30pm - WhyNotSmile goes to bed.

10.45pm - WhyNotSmile is asleep.