So Terminal 5 has opened and blah blah blah it's been chaos. Bags have gone nowhere but missing, and half the nation has had to sleep on the floor at Heathrow. Foreigners are laughing at us and everyone thinks the person in charge should resign.
No surprises there. So why does everyone sound so shocked? Sunday's newsreaders were gasping that 'airport chaos has spilled over into a 4th day and shows no sign of abating'. Don't we know by now that what Britain does best is screw things up? Millenium Dome, Millenium Bridge, railway lines, all those stadiums...
The opening of Heathrow's Terminal 5 had all the ingredients for a disaster from the start:
1. It's in Britain
2. Half the country didn't want it anyway and couldn't wait for it to go wrong
3. It's an airport, so if/when it went wrong, everyone was going to notice
4. They said it was going to be brilliant
and
5. It involves BAA and British Airways, neither of whom could organise a piss up in a brewery.
I mention this because it highlights the rather endearing British trait that, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, we (they? - I think I'll excommunicate myself) still expect that it's going to work out this time. This is the trait that causes our clothes shops to be full of bikinis from mid-March to the end of August. It encourages our cafes to put chairs out on the pavement, and allows people to sit on them and believe they will be warm when the sun comes out, just as soon as this gale blows over. It makes each of the home nations believe that their little country will win the World Cup next time round. It is the trait that allows us to be excited about the Olympic games in London in 4 years' time, and which lets us futilely believe that it won't be the mother of all hash ups.
And it makes us announce that we're building a new terminal at our biggest airport, and to trumpet it for years in advance, instead of just building it quietly, opening it when no one's looking, and only letting the media in once it's been operational for a year and a half and the people in charge have got some kind of handle on how things are going to work.
It's a baffling trait, of course, and one has to wonder how it ever developed - a glance at the nation's soaps suggests that it certainly wasn't by over-exposure to any kind of optimism. Nor has it ever really reached Northern Ireland, where we suspect so strongly that there'll be a hack-up that we're almost disappointed when things work out as planned (which they usually don't - but since this is an excuse for drowing everyone's sorrows, no one really cares).
So I remain in a state of bafflement, and await the London Olympics with anticipation.
Monday, 31 March 2008
Friday, 28 March 2008
Happy Birthday WhyNotSmile
I haven't posted much in a while, mainly because I haven't had a lot to say for myself. However, I realised that I missed the momentous occasion of WhyNotSmile's first birthday. On 12th March, WhyNotSmile was a year old.
Clearly, an awards ceremony is in order. I say awards, but there actually aren't any prizes, just kudos.
The winners are:
Most commented on post: It's a dead heat between the Orangefest one and the one in which we all started discussing blog etiquette. An unexpected runner-up, and one which opened the floodgates to even unknown commenters, was the one where I said I'd never seen West Wing.
Commonest label: It had to be what at one stage seemed to be the very raison d'etre of this blog, Incompetent Bandits, who between them managed a whopping 31 entries (Carbon Fast is excluded, 'cos, by definition, it was always going to have 40 entries).
Most frequent commenter: I'm not sure about this, because I can't be bothered to work it out for sure, but I'm going to give this award to QMonkey, for commenting frequently, furiously, and without apparent restraint or objective.
Most unexpected tangent in comments thread: it has to be this one. I was ill, and all you lot start asking after my teddies.
Most manic commenter: P, for his/her first comment in this thread. The first poster here, Anonymous (who may actually have been P, hiding his true identity), was also a strong contender (the manics came out of the woodwork for this post, to be honest), but P wins it for inventing a new word, 'worthly'. Such style.
This of course brings us to the ultimate award: Post of the year. I decided we'd have a poll for this, so I have chosen my favourite posts, and I'd like you all to vote please:
In the meantime, thank you all for visiting.
Clearly, an awards ceremony is in order. I say awards, but there actually aren't any prizes, just kudos.
The winners are:
Most commented on post: It's a dead heat between the Orangefest one and the one in which we all started discussing blog etiquette. An unexpected runner-up, and one which opened the floodgates to even unknown commenters, was the one where I said I'd never seen West Wing.
Commonest label: It had to be what at one stage seemed to be the very raison d'etre of this blog, Incompetent Bandits, who between them managed a whopping 31 entries (Carbon Fast is excluded, 'cos, by definition, it was always going to have 40 entries).
Most frequent commenter: I'm not sure about this, because I can't be bothered to work it out for sure, but I'm going to give this award to QMonkey, for commenting frequently, furiously, and without apparent restraint or objective.
Most unexpected tangent in comments thread: it has to be this one. I was ill, and all you lot start asking after my teddies.
Most manic commenter: P, for his/her first comment in this thread. The first poster here, Anonymous (who may actually have been P, hiding his true identity), was also a strong contender (the manics came out of the woodwork for this post, to be honest), but P wins it for inventing a new word, 'worthly'. Such style.
This of course brings us to the ultimate award: Post of the year. I decided we'd have a poll for this, so I have chosen my favourite posts, and I'd like you all to vote please:
In the meantime, thank you all for visiting.
Thursday, 27 March 2008
A petition for you all to sign...
Do this please:
Click here to sign:
http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/98.php/?CLICK_TF_TRACK
I just signed an urgent petition calling on the Chinese government to respect human rights in Tibet and dialogue with the Dalai Lama. This is really important, and I thought you might want to take action:
http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/98.php/?CLICK_TF_TRACK
After nearly 50 years of Chinese rule, the Tibetans are sending out a global cry for change. Violence is spreading across Tibet and neighbouring regions, and the Chinese regime is right now making a crucial choice between tougher crackdown or dialogue.
President Hu Jintao needs to hear that "Made in China " exports and the upcoming Olympics in Beijing will have the support of the world's people only if he chooses dialogue. But it will take an avalanche of global people power to get his attention.
Click here to sign:
http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/98.php/?CLICK_TF_TRACK
Friday, 21 March 2008
On An Important Decision
I've been away from the blog, simply because I've been off work all week and therefore had no need to waste endless hours by writing this stuff. No, for I have had Things To Do, which have included decorating my new room. I say this as if I did it myself, of course this is not true - my dad did it while I talked to at him. But anyway, it's very nice. Maybe I'll take a picture and show you all how nice it is. I also bought tulips, which improved things further.
So the latest Thing with me is that I have decided I would like a pet. It started as a dog, but that would be too much trouble, seeing as how it would have to be taken for walks every day and I'd have to clean up after it (as my dad said, most eloquently, 'Why would you want to walk up the road with a bag of dog sh*t under your arm?' - that rather sealed that decision). I then thrust my mind to the opposite end of the 'pet hassle' spectrum and thought of getting a few goldfish (actually, I guess dogs are only in the middle of the 'pet hassle' spectrum - at the other extreme from goldfish you have such things as horses and so on, which require so much effort that you might as well just have children and be done with it) but goldfish are, frankly, dull. I apologise to goldfish owners out there (please don't bother leaving comments that your dear Flipper and Splashy have the most amazing personalities in the history of marine life, because I was only really apologising to be polite: I will never believe you).
My dad can't be in the same house as rodents, so that rules out hamsters, guinea pigs etc, at least while there's a possibility that I might need him to come round and do more decorating.
And so we come to cats, and this is quite promising. They sleep all day, so I can go to work and leave them; they clean themselves; they can poo in next door's garden (since next door's cats poo in mine); and they are cute. I think I would have to get 2 cats, so they could be friends. And I would like them to start as kittens (I mean when I get them, rather than being already grown up when I get them - I am aware that all cats start as kittens).
So I will look into this further, and let you know how things develop. There will, it goes without saying, be a poll to decide what I should call them, but feel free to get in ahead of time and offer suggestions. This weekend I am beling left In Charge of my neighbours' cats, and the success or otherwise of this may influence things considerably.
So the latest Thing with me is that I have decided I would like a pet. It started as a dog, but that would be too much trouble, seeing as how it would have to be taken for walks every day and I'd have to clean up after it (as my dad said, most eloquently, 'Why would you want to walk up the road with a bag of dog sh*t under your arm?' - that rather sealed that decision). I then thrust my mind to the opposite end of the 'pet hassle' spectrum and thought of getting a few goldfish (actually, I guess dogs are only in the middle of the 'pet hassle' spectrum - at the other extreme from goldfish you have such things as horses and so on, which require so much effort that you might as well just have children and be done with it) but goldfish are, frankly, dull. I apologise to goldfish owners out there (please don't bother leaving comments that your dear Flipper and Splashy have the most amazing personalities in the history of marine life, because I was only really apologising to be polite: I will never believe you).
My dad can't be in the same house as rodents, so that rules out hamsters, guinea pigs etc, at least while there's a possibility that I might need him to come round and do more decorating.
And so we come to cats, and this is quite promising. They sleep all day, so I can go to work and leave them; they clean themselves; they can poo in next door's garden (since next door's cats poo in mine); and they are cute. I think I would have to get 2 cats, so they could be friends. And I would like them to start as kittens (I mean when I get them, rather than being already grown up when I get them - I am aware that all cats start as kittens).
So I will look into this further, and let you know how things develop. There will, it goes without saying, be a poll to decide what I should call them, but feel free to get in ahead of time and offer suggestions. This weekend I am beling left In Charge of my neighbours' cats, and the success or otherwise of this may influence things considerably.
Monday, 17 March 2008
Things I would quite like to do to my hair
The following are things I would quite like to do to my hair:
1. Have a big red streak in it. Or maybe several.
2. Have a red streak and a blonde streak.
3. Get it cut really short.
I can't decide which, if any, to do. For those who don't know me, my hair is currently a chestnut brown colour (Garnier Nutrisse colour 4.3, if I remember correctly), which is more or less its natural colour. It is shoulder-length and has a tendency to frizz (in the same way that the Pope has a tendency to be Catholic). It is very very thick. So I don't know what to do, but I want to do something with it.
1. Have a big red streak in it. Or maybe several.
2. Have a red streak and a blonde streak.
3. Get it cut really short.
I can't decide which, if any, to do. For those who don't know me, my hair is currently a chestnut brown colour (Garnier Nutrisse colour 4.3, if I remember correctly), which is more or less its natural colour. It is shoulder-length and has a tendency to frizz (in the same way that the Pope has a tendency to be Catholic). It is very very thick. So I don't know what to do, but I want to do something with it.
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