Heck, it's been a while. Sorry. Busy summer and all that.
Anyway, I'm here about the Haribo advert. Never in the field of my own history have I so much appreciated the licence fee, and freedom from advertising. I'm not linking to it, because it makes me want to claw my own ears off, but you'll know the one I mean.
If you're thinking, "yeah, I hate that wee girl screaming 'sign the fession!'", then count yourself lucky, for that's not the one I mean.
This one has a family of 4 at a shop in the middle of nowhere, singing the most banal song you can imagine, out of tune, while grinning like banshees and leaping like the lords from a Christmas song. It's what you'd get if you took a bad X-Factor audition, a sanitary towel advert, and one of those photos of happy families that you get in Christian magazines, blended them, and then added an overdose of hyperstimulant. The whole, is, inexplicably, much worse than the sum of its hideous parts.
It marginally improves if, after the line that goes "Squidgy squidgy baby!" you yell "Bodyformed for yoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", but only a little bit, so I wouldn't do it in public or anything.
Like I say, Google it if you want to know what it's like to find yourself uncontrollably ripping your ears from your head. Otherwise, don't. But in any case, can we all stop buying Haribo until they get this abomination off our screens? Thanks.
In happier news, I enjoyed this story, although it contains some impolite language, which I ask you to censor by mentally replacing it with the word 'puppy'.
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