The WhyNotSmile Guide To Halloween Costumes

Now WhyNotSmile is not one for parties and dressing up and all of that, but nevertheless is a surprising wealth of opinion when it comes to creating a good costume for Halloween.  It feels appropriate to share this now, for many of you will be going to Halloween parties this weekend, and WhyNotSmile does not want you to look like idiots.

So, here are my top tips for a good Halloween costume:

1) Consider the long term.  It's all very well to walk in and have everyone gasp in awe at your outfit, but there will come a point in the evening when you wish to participate.  A cousin of mine once went to a fancy dress party as a bunch of grapes, by sticking balloons all over herself, which was rather ingenious, but she couldn't sit down all night. You may wish to try your costume beforehand, by performing the following activities: sitting, eating, relieving yourself, and standing within speaking distance of other people.

2) Don't go too obtuse.  No matter what your costume, there'll always be someone who can read the wrong sort of thing into it, and you don't want everyone secretly thinking you came as something rude.  Better to be obviously a ghost, than have people think you're dressed as poo.

3) It is not good to make your costume, or any part of it, from food.

4) It is best to be unique, but there are certain acceptable duplicates; it is quite ok for a Halloween party to have more than one ghost, witch or Wonderwoman.

5) Home-made costumes are better than bought ones, but there are 2 bands of acceptable effort: lots of effort, and no effort.  Basically, the chart of effort vs impressiveness is U-shaped.  Lots of effort = attention to detail, secure fastenings and a convicing outfit.  No effort = bedsheet ghost.  Either is fine, although you won't win best costume for the ghost.  What's NOT fine is a half-assed attempt at Daffy Duck.

6) Ensure everything is securely fastened.  Do not leave a trail of glitter all over the floor if you ever want to be invited back.  Equally, and I cannot emphasise this enough, make sure your costume won't fall off.

7) Know your limitations.  It is fine to concoct some kind of costume which allows you to appear to take your head off and spout blood everywhere, but you can really only get away with it twice in one evening, unless guest turnover is quite high.  Do not keep repeating your trick all evening, as it will become tedious.

8) Do not go as any of the following: yourself, someone who couldn't be bothered to dress up, a normal person, someone dressed as yourself, or you at work.  Those are all stupid.

I trust this helps.