Monday 8 December 2008

The Seige

So WhyNotSmile is currently under seige by some local hoodies, who are accusing her of 'slabbering about my ma on Bebo'. 'Slabbering', for those unfamiliar with the term, is a serious offence in these parts, so the hoodies are rightly angry. Obviously WhyNotSmile did nothing of the sort (although she thanks Virtual Methodist for his Facebook comment: when her status was changed to 'WhyNotSmile is a bit scared of the boys who are saying she slabbered about their ma on Bebo', VM responded with 'Did you?', so it's good to see that all my loyal readers will back me up if this goes to court).

The wee feckers broke my gate; the official line we have given to the police is that this was a Bad Thing (because it is, in principle), but in reality it would have probably fallen off if someone had sneezed hard in the area, and they may have done us a favour by removing it so we didn't have to pay someone to take it apart. They also broke a window in my door.

It was interesting to note the options offered by police, which basically amounted to: (1) do nothing, or (2) hang them. Not that this is the policeman's fault, and I have to say he was very nice and helpful, it's just that I had expected that there might be a choice along the lines of 'Send police to give them a bit of a telling off and make sure they leave me alone', but apparently our local law enforcement policy is based on (1) no funding and (2) Daily Mail ideology.

Anyway, as QuestionMonkey rightly said, 'What doesn't kill you is good blog fodder', so once The Seige is a distant (and quaintly fond) memory, I will see what nuggets of comedy gold are buried within, and get back to you. In the meantime, my dad is staying. Now, since there's not really any need for him to do much other than sit and hope they don't come back, we're going to tackle the living room ceiling; he's bringing foam and a bottle of wine, so expect to hear more presently.

This whole thing, and its timing in particular, is a little unfortunate, as I had been specially invited to the MWI Carol Service tonight (MWI=Methodist Women in Ireland: think standard WI, but with a Methodist slant), but it would probably be rude to go out and leave my dad alone when he came all this way. Not to mention dangerous, when I'd be leaving him in sole control of a bottle of wine.

Incidentally, those of you who don't know me might be surprised that I have been specially invited to the MWI Carol Service; since I use the blog to express my cynical side, you probably get the impression that I'm like this in real life too, and that I might not be terribly likeable. In reality, I'm much-loved by all the elderly ladies in church, and most of them want me to marry their grandsons.

Of course, then there is the true true me, which doesn't think I'm very likeable at all, but it would be inappropriate to discuss my low self-esteem here, so we won't.


Anonymous said...

sorry about the hassle you're having with the local hoods, i know from experience
how that can feel. Hopefully it'll soon
be a distant memory.
And you're very likeable
ps. I've been reading your blog for a while, i'm very impressed.

Stuart McDonald said...

I am sorry to hear this too. Nice of them to give you such a fantastic & bizarre reason for smashing your window. I would have rolled my eyes at them in an insouciant fashion and snidely remarked "Bebo is sooooooo 2007, get with the program."

It is a nasty experience, though, and I hope they leave you be. Cowards aand bullies.

Virtual Methodist said...

All humour at your expense on this issue is hereby suspended until further notice... Hope things quieten down soon?

Virtual Methodist said...

? ? sorry that should be.

Northern Focus said...

Good to see that the government is fulfilling its duty to protect us. A duty paid for through the forced deduction of a proportion of our wages. If the justice system did what it was supposed to then you wouldn't need to worry about incidents like this. Nor would the people who did this feel that they needed to take "justice" into their own hands.

Sorry to hear you have been on the wrong side of community justice ... good thing you aren't a paediatrician

ScatterCode said...

All seems to have gone quiet now, and I have to say the Police have been great - but, yeah, it would be nice if there was a bit more being done to stop it happening in the first place.